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Five of the ‘Douchiest’ Cars of All Time [POLL]

Neilson Barnard

We have all seen that guy driving around town, thinking he’s a bit better than he really is in his little Camaro. This world is plagued with men driving ridiculous cars to try and improve their self image. Well, GQ magazine put together their list of these kinds of cars. Here is a list of five of the “douchiest” cars of all time. 

The following cars are seen as the “douchiest” for different reasons. Sometimes, the car itself isn’t that bad. The guy behind the wheel makes you roll your eyes. None the less, these cars are on the list for some reason.

1. The Hummer

Joe Raedle, Getty Images

Oh, the hummer. There has never been a moment I have felt so connected to my mother as the day that she described her feelings on this obnoxious car. Passing by a Hummer dealership near Houston, we saw a Hummer on a large roof top display slowing spinning in circles. As we drove past my mother said, “That is exactly where that car needs to be. I hope it falls of that roof and blows up.” Wow, mom. Couldn’t have said it better myself. These gas guzzling cars race through Tyler taking up every inch of their lane and some of yours. As they blaze past you they only scream a reminder of things like our current war in the middle east and of 9/11. The people that drive these act as if they are indestructible, but we have seen the war footage of these military vehicles being sadly blown up. Do you really need to have that, “come at me bro” attitude in such an un appealing ride?

2. The Toyota Prius C

Bill Pugliano, Getty Images

There is a joke around town. “How can you tell if someone is a vegan? Don’t worry they will tell you about a hundred times an hour.” Almost the same joke could be made about a Prius driver. They will let you know how much better they are then you. Just because their car is doing a slightly better job of taking care of the Earth, they think they can raise their nose to you. They drive with that same mentality. I have seen numerous little “do gooders” race past me, just to show off that they don’t care about their gas mileage. Yeah, you are a step above a Hummer. Is it really that impressive? No.

3. The Mercedes G55 AMG

Mercedes, Facebook

Back to another gas guzzler. The “G” ride. My first question for all of you that drive this, are you really going on a safari? If not, you look silly. This off road car plowing down those in its path, especially on Broadway when the roads shrink down for a bit before downtown Tyler, you are too much. Speaking of too big, that Mercedes logo is HUGE. It is one of the defining factors of a “d-bag” to be a show off. Yes, I get that you have money. If you are going to flaunt it so much, can’t you just throw money at me when you zoom past?

4. Maybach 57S

Matthew Simmons, Getty Images

 This Mercedes-Benz car is very fancy. But, GQ said it best when they called it the “near limousine.” If you have enough money, want to look like you are rolling in a limo, and are in general just showing off; why don’t you just get a driver? Maybe that would save the rest of us from trying to swerve around you in traffic because you drive at a glacial pace so every on looker can get a full look at your car. Again I must emphasize a re-occuring point.  If you aren’t handing it out, I don’t care how much money you have.

5. Pontiac Fire Bird Trans AM

Pontiac, Facebook

This old “classic” is found all over East Texas. Blaring off of the country roads or engine screaming down Grande in Tyler, this car is everywhere. The worst case of this car being “douchie” is when it has the fire bird painted on the hood. When I see one pass me, all I can think about is how it must be loaded with dirty spit cups, lotto tickets, and the remnants of cocaine straight from the 80′s. I have seen this car driven by those bitter by the loss of the 1980′s wall street scene, flicking their used cigarette butts out the window with a permanent scowl of their face. I am so sorry brother that your car was once the hot thing hitting the pavement. If you are slow on the go at the stop light, I will pass you. It is no personal offense meant, so please quit coming around to curse at me.

Well, there you have it. You may not agree, or you might have a different car you consider to be the “douchiest.” Check out GQ’s entire list, but first answer me this.

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