After weeks of speculation, Jessica Simpson has announced she is pregnant. It’ll be the first child for the singer/actress/designer/former reality star and her fiancé, former pro football player Eric Johnson. In lieu of sending them a gift to help them decorate their nursery, we decided to give them the gift of laughter.

Here are 12 jokes about Jessica being pregnant:

1. His job is “former pro football player?” He’s going to have an extra mouth to feed soon, so he’d better get cracking on changing that to “currently employed father.”

2. Kim Kardashian is so mad someone would try to steal her thunder with this kind of announcement she’s going to get back together with Kris Humphries and then divorce him again all in the same day.

3. How long before John Mayer tweets something completely inappropriate about this news?

4. Jessica’s sister, Ashlee, named her son Bronx. Let’s hope this isn’t a family trait. Staten Island Johnson just doesn’t have a good ring to it.

5. He’s a guy without a real job fathering a pop star’s child. Eric Johnson should change his name to Kevin Federline 2.0.

6. Jessica thought chicken lived in the sea. Good luck when her kid asks her for help with algebra homework.

7. Jessica is having a girl. The sonogram shows the baby wearing a little pair of Daisy Dukes.

8. If she has a boy, Jessica can set him up with Kim Kardashian. She’s available.

9. When Jessica tweeted that photo of herself on the toilet, let’s just be happy it wasn’t during a bout of morning sickness.

10. Good thing Jessica didn’t stay with Tony Romo. He’s too busy deflecting questions about how he’s ruining the Cowboys to deal with people yelling at him for fathering a child out of wedlock.

11. Jessica is still a ditzy blonde. When asked if she has a bun in the oven, she said, “No, a pot roast.”

12. Jessica has done pop and tried country. Now, she can re-invent herself again by becoming a children’s artist. It’s high time someone gave the Wiggles some competition, don’t you think?