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Condom Snorting is a Thing Now + It Needs to Be Stopped [VIDEO]

robertelyoy, Flickr

Yup. Condom snorting is no longer a pairing of two random words, it is a trend that will destroy the world as we know it. I know, I know. This seems less serious to our future’s safety than war or disease, but it is more threatening than both of those together. Why? Well, let me explain. 

The Webster’s Dictionary defines stupidity as, “the state, quality, or fact of being stupid.” That is a powerful thing, the “fact of being stupid.” That sounds very fitting for what is happening on YouTube right now. There are young people are in the state, quality, and fact of BEING STUPID.

How are they being stupid? Let’s break down, step by step, what exactly these teenagers are doing.

  • 1. Take a condom (Yes, the CONDOM) out of the wrapper.
  • 2. Roll it out to full glory.
  • 3. Stick the tip, the semen reservoir, into the nose.
  • 4. Snort and suck the condom deeper and deeper into the nostril.
  • 5. Once it has reached the back of the mouth, pull the condom the rest of the way out and through the nose.
  • 6. Make sure the web cam caught it all on tape.
  • 7. Post your ridiculous and idiotic, “Look at me, I am not thinking of how this will affect my future!” video on YouTube.

If I hear one (just one of these wastes of internet space) say YOLO at the end of one of these disgusting videos, I will hunt them down and force feed them some education and a good can of whoopass.

Before I get to the meat of the situation and really explain why these videos will lead to the end of all that is good in the world, I’ll introduce you to the condom snorting YouTube trend.

These people will soon run our country. They will be the leaders and adults of the world. While we lay in retirement homes, slowly losing our ability to beat them into sense they will be in control of our health benefits and social security. These are the people that will ruin our world.

The chaos and mayhem that will ensue when these teenagers aren’t young and mindless anymore. These condom snorters will lead to college campuses, libraries, and eventually the entire education and knowledge systems we adore today to fall to ruin. They won’t need books, education, and higher knowledge when their time is spent following ridiculous trend after stupid trend.

Our employment systems will crumble as well. These people will stop applying for bettter jobs for two reasons. One, they would rather spend their time trying to make the world’s next viral YouTube video instead of contributions to society or community. The second reason will stem from those of us that recognize this stupidity will not hire them. Finding a video like this in an applicant’s back ground will not give confidence in their performance ability. All of this will lead to an overwhelming unemployment rate. Those of us still carrying on paying taxes will be handicapped by the immense new financial responsibility. But the welfare check won’t just be for them.

They will have countless children flooding the world with even more stupidity because all of the condoms in the world weren’t used to prevent pregnancy. Sexually transmitted diseases will spread like wild fire.

The more i imagine this land of the stupid and condom snorting, the more I see a resemblance  to a zombie apocalypse. I imagine that not many of these teens produce sounds more advanced than the cliche zombie grunts and moans. They will look ill and green from the lack of proper oxygen intake (eventually they will get that condom suck up there). Also, the rampant STDs will keep their skin looking ill and off colored. They will chase people to try and corner them into giving them more attention. Instead of crying for brains, they will cry for internet fame. We will all have to run in fear because this trend will find us. Oh, we think we will be safe. That is exactly how trends work, they suck the majority in on some crazy ploy that claims to be cool and people follow like blind sheep. This trend status will be more contagious than a zombie apocalypse could ever be.

Sure, this is a bit exaggerated. But, is it? We will only have to wait and see. I beg of you, please don’t let this condom snorting induced end of the world happen. Don’t fall into the stupid trap, don’t make a condom challenge video.

 

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