Paul Ciampanelli

Remember how schoolyard romance was all about diplomacy? If you liked a girl, you’d send your friend to tell her friend to tell her how you felt. That’s how us shy kids figured out how to deal with those new, alien feelings we were experiencing. But not this little Romeo. Oh, he gets by with a little help from his friends, but only to facilitate the most demonstrative ask-out in playground history

Always wear a helmet when riding a bicycle — you never know what accident might befall you. A car could run a stop sign, a pothole could appear seemingly from nowhere, or a charging antelope might run you over.

“I have no idea if Ryan Gosling is actually a feminist,” insists the creator of Feminist Ryan Gosling, the new Tumblr blog that grabbed the internet’s attention over the weekend. But of course he’s a feminist, right? He’s the perfect man. Women get that. Even a lot of us guys get that. How could he not be this way?

People say that giving your business to a local, independent coffee shop is better than surrendering your heard-earned bread to a corporate behemoth like Starbucks. But what they don’t warn you about is the too-cool baristas at the indie shops whose customer service style isn’t mandated by international company policy. Sure, their coffee is to-die-for … if you don’t mind your morning joe flavored

Ranch dressing is the ultimate American condiment. So it’s about time someone combined it with another great tradition: eating contests. The guys in this video really have a taste for the stuff — and some strong stomachs.

Russian rocker Alexander Ishutin doesn’t waste any time between performances. In order to bring his music to the masses, Alexander created a literal “bandwagon” using a motorbike and sidecar. Watch this ingenious traveling band in action.

How would you deal with a giant wasp infestation? If you’re like us, your strategy would consist mostly of running away at top speed shouting, “NOPE NOPE NOPE!” But not this guy. He created a sweet wasp-capturing machine. Wasps check in, but they don’t check out.

A Norwegian soccer player may have set a record with a monster header goal. Guinness World Records has yet to confirm the numbers, but it is likely that Jone Samuelsen’s 57-meter (62.33 yards) header goal is the longest ever recorded. Now that’s using your head.

Computer nerds, help us out here. By what wizardry are the dual floppy-disk drives (ask your parents, teenagers) in this video playing John Williams’s ‘Star Wars’ score?

We’ve all seen amazing foul ball catches from fans in the stands. But the guy in this video is so determined to catch a wayward ball, he forgets that he’s holding his daughter. Whoops!

Soccer star Walter Pandiani of RCD Espanyol won a match against the Getafe football club this weekend with a last-minute goal. Naturally, the press wanted to talk to him immediately, but with no time to shower, Pandiani couldn’t stop sweating through the entire interview and soaked his dress shirt clean through by the conversation’s end.

Telecommuters, stay-at-home parents, students and even the unemployed: Sketch group Killing My Lobster knows about you… and they’re horrified by you. KML’s ‘Why Is Everybody Here?’ is a note-perfect ‘Twilight Zone’ parody that frames modern life in San Francisco as a hellish nightmarescape where decent, working folks simply can’t escape the hoards of underemployed citizens just hanging out. “I don