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“New Years Resolution: More Sex, Less Car Punching, More Chipotle” — How Will Your New Years Eve Texts Read?

HawkinsSteven, Flickr

“Nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle.” As New Years Eve begins, so do the random and funny drunken text messages. The alcohol in our systems, plus the protection of the text message freedom to say whatever you want, makes for some interesting reads. What will your New Years Eve texts say?

There is always a danger for drunken texts or drunk dialing on New Years Eve, now they cannot be easily forgotten. A hilarious website called Texts From Last Night that has been anonymously publishing submitted texts messages. Some of these texts are funny, some are very sexual, and some are just down right weird. If you ever feel that you will never be able to show your face again after an intoxicated night out, read some of these and you will realize that it could have been worse.

Here lies a compilation of some of the best Texts From Last Night submitted after the New Year’s Eve celebrations.

“The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.”

“New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.”

“My phone now changes “me” to “mrrrrrrrrh”, thank you new years.”

“nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans”

“I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore”

“The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.”

“i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight”

But, the hilarity is not just for the holiday season. There are over three thousand pages of Texts From Last Night. Each page gets more and more odd and comical. Here are some of my all time favorites.

Girl: “mark looks like s*** tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!”
Boy: “its mark…i’m guessing you didn’t mean to send that to me…”

“Her only article of clothing is an American flag.”

“Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten, and arrested.”

“What do you wear to apply at a strip club?”

“This ER has an aquarium in it!!”

Pretty ridiculous stuff, but now it will be forever remembered and cataloged neatly on the internet. Luckily for these people their identities are hidden. I am sure there is a whole new level of regret for reading your drunken mistakes on the world wide web.

So, the moral of this story is to be careful what you text this New Years. No matter what your intoxicated mind believes to be fine and daddy, the world might see through to the stupid and hysterical truth. Remember, don’t drink and drive and do not drink and text.

 

 

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